Used to being the center of attention, Brandon was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. His parents sat him down and explained that since his little sister was getting older, the house was now too small for them and they'd have to move. "It's no use." Brandon said. She's crawling around good now and she'd probably just follow us."
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a man rolled an elderly woman in a wheelchair into the room. As he went to the receptionist's desk, the woman just sat there in her wheelchair, quiet and alone. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with her, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the woman. He put his hand on her knee, looked into her eyes and said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too."
Grandpa: When I was a boy, I had it harder than you kids do today. I walked ten miles to school every day, even in the rain and snow!
Grandson: But Grandpa, didn't you feel stupid when you found out there was a bus?
I was watching my four-year-old nephew for the afternoon, and we ended up at the Mall.He announced he needed to use the rest room.He refused to use the ladies’ room with me; he demanded to use the ‘Big Boy’s Bathroom’ instead. I pushed open the men’s room door, and called out to see if anyone was in there.No answer.So I figured it was safe to allow my nephew inside to use the facilities.I stood watch at the door while he went inside to do his business.Five minutes passed, then six...I began to worry and opened the door and called out to him.He told me he was ‘busy’, so I relaxed somewhat and waited a few minutes longer. An old man showed up and went into the men’s room, and I was growing anxious that my nephew was still inside with a strange man now. I was just about to go inside to see what the delay was when the old man exited the bathroom with tears in his eyes from laughing.He said to me, “Lady, is that your kid in there?He’s taking a dump in the urinal!”
Many years ago, I remember my very pregnant Mother sitting on the sofa with my three-year-old sister next to her.Mom placed my sister’s hands on her swollen belly to show where the new baby’s feet and head were located inside of her body.My little sister didn’t speak to anyone for three days.I finally asked her what was wrong, and she burst into tears!She cried, “Mommy ATE the new baby!”
A physician was taking her 4-year-old daughter to preschool. The little girl picked the stethescope from the front seat of the car, and put it on. The physician thought to herself, "This is WONDERFUL! My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!!" Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?"
A boy had reached four years old without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything to discourage the habit. Finally, she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon!" Later that day while walking in the park, the mother and son saw a pregnant woman. The boy stared at the woman's stomach and said, "Uht oh! I know what You've been doing!"
I had my five year old son in the car with me, and we came to a red light.There was a lull in our conversation, and he glanced to his right and saw two dogs mating on the front lawn of someone’s house.He turned to me and asked, “Mom? What are those two dogs doing?”I glanced over his head and saw the dogs really going at it, and I didn’t know what to say. So I told him my version of the truth:“Um, the one on the bottom is sick, and the one standing behind is pushing the other one to the hospital.”
A little boy opened the big old family Bible with fascination; looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up to look at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed inbetween the pages many years ago. "Gramma, look what I found!" the boy called out in complete astonishment, "It's Adam's suit!"
My daughter's fifth grade class had been studying astronomy. One morning at breakfast she announced, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the Moon." That's when my younger son piped up, "Are you gonna let her go, Mom?"
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When his work was finally done, he emerged in the middle of a pre-school playground. "I'm free! I'm free!" he shouted. "Big deal!" said a little girl. "I'm four."
The teacher asked a boy if he knew his numbers. "Yes I do!" he said, "My Dad taught me." The teacher was pleased to hear this and asked the boy, "What comes after three?" "Four!" the boy said. "What comes after six?" "Seven!" The boy happily replied. "Very good! Your Dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" The little boy smiled and said, "Jack!"
One night during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small daughter into bed. She was about to turn out the light when the girl asked with a tremor in her voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave her daughter a reassuring hug. "I can't dear. I have to sleep in Daddy's room." The little girl replied, "The big SISSY!"
I was on my front lawn retrieving my newspaper, and noticed my 4-year old neighbor Suzie waving to me excitedly. She exclaimed, "Look! I got a new big-girl bicycle!" "Wow, Suzie! That sure is a great looking bike! Can you ride it yet?" "Yeah, I can ride it!" she said, then, with a sad face, she pouted, "But it's broken." I checked the bike over and told her it looked fine to me. I asked, "What mades you think this bike is broken?" She replied, "Every time I ride it, it falls over!"
I was getting dressed in the bathroom this morning, and my young daughter was sitting on the edge of the bath tub watching me. She got up and stood next to me at the vanity as I put on my make-up and said, "Mommy? When I grow up, I want to have breasts just like yours. Nice and LONG."
Q: What do basketball players and babies have in common?
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